Posts

Posted on

Tom Vuldemort, Inspiration For Lord Voldemort, Dead At 87

Tom Vuldermort, janitor at St. Michael’s of C of E Primary School in Winterbourne, Gloucestershire, has passed away at the tender age of 87. Vuldermort was best known for inspiring the insidious Lord Voldermort in the “Harry Potter And The…” series, written by noted British lottery winner JK Rowling.

The Last Know Picture Of Tom Vuldemort
The Last Known Picture Of Tom Vuldemort

Rowling revealed Vuldermort’s contribution to the dark wizard on the 2015 Christian Broadcasting Network special Slags. Knobs, and Sin Sticks: Uncovering the Occultic World of Harry Potter.

According to Rowling, Vuldemort was “A sicko! Me and Susan nd Buttercrust used to plan such clever tricky-wick for him. That’s where ‘he who shall not be named’ came from. We knew we’d be in a kettle of tea if he’d caught wind of our plots.”

Vuldermort remained on staff at St. Mike’s for the next 30 years, where students and faculty alike described him as a “beloved figure.”

Vuldermort spoke of Rowling’s alleged “tricky-wicks” with the BBC late last year. “Oh, lil’ Joanne. Yeah. She done quite good for herself, ain’t she? Does my heart good to see ‘er in the papers it does!” When asked about the tricky-wicks Vuldermort exclaimed, “Heavens! Just kids being kids. Why when I was a young lad we used to sneak into our teacher’s field and milk his cows. Can you believe that? Milking ‘em at midnight? Ah, we were right bonkers we were!”

When asked her thoughts on Vuldermort’s passing, Rowling stated she was “glad that old bastard was dead” and that she was “excited to claim the final Horcrux.“

The community will mourn Vuldermort’s passing by eating fish and chips at a pub, or whatever passes for religion over there.

Posted on

Scripted Comedy “The Fakist” Takes Aim At Multi-Level Marketing In New Episode

Facebook marketing companies taken to task in special multi-part story.

New York City, NY (KCOM Studios) July 15th, 2018 – A new episode of scripted comedy podcast The Fakist takes aim at the multi-level marketing companies that we’ve all learned to hate on Facebook. Those annoyances are personified in Debra Dawnstar, a “business mommy” and partner for Dawnstar Escential Scent sprays. What starts as an advertisement for her “products” becomes an investigative report on her use of the sprays on her son’s injuries.

Executive Producer Tim Delroy says, “We wanted to tell the whole story of the poor people who get suckered in by these companies. While it’s pretty clear what side The Fakist is coming down on, we tried not to mock people. We want to explore the real dangers of these companies, both to their partners and the people around them.”

The health-centric episode, appropriately titled What The Health? Also features Brian Brushwood (National Geographic’s Hacking The System, Scam School, The Modern Rogue) as Consumer Affairs reporter Martin Zendler, who reports on killer bees at a local Thai restaurant.

To listen to the podcast, visit http://www.thefakist.com or search for it on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Play, or where ever you find your podcasts.

About The Fakist

Covering the fake news… For Real. Paul DaFoe, along with the best news team in the business, breaks fake news from the worlds of politics, sports, entertainment, and Neptune. If the news is #BREAKING, it’s probably The Fakist who’s breaking it.

SUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS

 

Posted on

Episode 3 – What The Health?!


From essential oils to capital punishment to the health benefits of fast food, we’re focusing on your wellbeing.

Can owning a cat can lead to a longer life (for you, not the cat)? We’re talking about it meow on WHAT THE HEALTH? Then, Grace Hubberstafforford investigates the latest viral marketing campaign for horror series THE PURGE. Is a long life a cruel and unusual punishment? We report. Martin Zendler (voiced by The Modern Rogue himself Brian Brushwood) cooks up some grime in the soda machine and killer bees at Madam Ka-Prow’s Thai Bistro. All that, plus Paul gets a cat, coming up on The Fakist.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

Audible Could Be Your Best Tool This Year | Jacob S ...

Audible

The Modern Rogue

Scam Stuff

ScamStuff.com

CAST

PAUL DAFOE – Bill Meeks

LEANN – Rebecca Johnson

GRIMM ACE – Peter Price
DEADPAN MAN – Michael Lucero
BALL PIT MAN – Roberto Villegas
BALL PIT CHILD – Dorkface Delroy
ELIZABETH CHAMBERS – Anne Marie
MCDONALD’S CREW MEMBER – Bobby Hawke
ELLA FITZPATRICK – Anne Marie
BARBARA GORMLY – Monica Jones
DEBRA DAWNSTAR – Anne Marie
BRYSON – Dorkface & Doofy Delroy
DOCTOR LOU LARO – Adam Paulauski
TONY THOMAS –Peter Price
ANNOUNCER – Roberto Villegas
MARTIN ZENDLER – Brian Brushwood
BEEKEEPER – Bill Meeks
THELMA MINKS – Anne Marie
BIRDMAN STAN – Bobby Hawke
GRACE HUBERSTAFFORFORD – Wynn Mercere
MITZI MOON – Hope Mullinax
BRANDON BASHEM – Charles Johnson
MR. FREEZE 7-UP – Bill Meeks

MUSIC

Bama Country Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Drankin Song Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Sci-Fi – https://www.bensound.com

Jazz Comedy – https://www.bensound.com

Straight – https://www.bensound.com

Space 1990 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/+

Tenderness – https://www.bensound.com

SUBSCRIBE

   

Posted on

Episode 2 – Speedy Delivery

Madam Ka-Prow's is open for business as The Fakist tackles the service industry.
Madam Ka-Prow’s is open for business as The Fakist tackles the service industry.

Ever have to deal with a rotten customer? Make MacFlurries? Looking for “delivery near me?” We tackle the service industry and all its horrors.

What local pot shop chopped the top off their resource crop? Then, we’re breaking the news before it happens in UP TO THE MINUTE. Did you hear about Bilbo Bixby, local folk hero? We’ve got the scoop. Birdman Stan flies into the heart of the action. All that plus a look ahead at this weekend’s Regatta with Byron Seales in the Mythological Weather Crisis Center, coming up on The Fakist.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

Audible Could Be Your Best Tool This Year | Jacob S ...

Audible

Tom Merritt Books

CAST

PAUL DAFOE – Bill Meeks

LEANN – Rebecca Johnson

BYRON SEALES – Tony Hooper
ANNOUNCER – Roberto Villegas
LEANN – Rebecca Johnson
JOHNNY DOOBOIS – Adam Paulauski
TONY METZ – Peter Price
HIPPIE – Bobby Hawke
BIRDMAN STAN – Bobby Hawke
LYDIA APPLEBOTTOM – Anne Marie
RENT-A-KIDS – Doofy, Dinah, and Dorkface Delroy
DRAMATIC REENACTOR – Michael Lucero
TIM DELROY – Himself
GEORGE SLAPDASHKI – Peter Price
BILBO BIXBY – Michael Lucero
BERNIE MCFERNIE – Tom Merritt
BARTENDER – Bill Meeks
SOME DUDE – Bill Meeks
TRINI – Anne Marie

MUSIC
Madam Ka-Prow’s (New Lunch Place)
Performed by Paul DaFoe, Rebecca Johnson, Tony Hooper, and Bobby Hawke
Music by Stephan Carroll

Buddy – https://www.bensound.com

Epic – https://www.bensound.com

Extreme Action, Hey! – https://www.bensound.com
Rushed Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Killers Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

SUBSCRIBE

   

Posted on

Episode 1 – Breaking News

What Walking Dead whoopsie got one local priest into hot water? Then, clowns try to shake the stigma of Stephen King’s It. Did you know Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter was based on a real person? We’ve got the scoop. You’ll meet our new Producer Leann in our rotating segment Revolving Door. All that and Traffic with Jake Stein, coming up on The Fakist.

CAST

PAUL DAFOE – Bill Meeks

LEANN – Rebecca Johnson

JAKE STEIN – Justin Robert Young

ANNOUNCER – Roberto Villegas

JK ROWLING – John Harrison

CBN INTERVIEWER – Derek O’Neill

TOM VULDERMORT – Derek O’Neill

BBC REPORTER – John Harrison

MONOLOGUING ACTOR – Bill Meeks

FATHER RYAN – Bobby Hawke

PARISHIONER – Bill Meeks

ELLA FITZPATRICK – Anne Marie

CINDY – Elizabeth Plascencia

ZIPPER MAN – Bill Meeks

POLICE CHIEF – Bill Meeks

ICEPICK KILLER – Bill Meeks

GRACE HUBERSTAFFORFORD – Wynn Mercere

PAGLIACCI – Michael Lucero

PENNYWISE – Bill Meeks

STEPHEN KING – Bill Meeks

 

MUSIC

What’s Going On?

Performed by Jake Stein

Lyrics by Justin Robert Young

Music by Stephan Carroll

 

“NewsSting” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

The Path of the Goblin King v2 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Extreme Action, Hey! – https://www.bensound.com

Sad Day – https://www.bensound.com

Creepy – https://www.bensound.com

Jingle 2 by Monplaisir is licensed under a CC0 1.0 Universal License.

Welcome to HorrorLand Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

SUBSCRIBE

   

Posted on

New Satirical News Podcast “THE FAKIST” Now Available On Apple Podcasts

KCOM Studios announces the release of their new fake news podcast The Fakist, hosted by venerable fake news journalist Paul Dafoe.

NEW YORK CITY, NY (PRUnderground) June 16th, 2018

KCOM Studios announces the addition of a new podcast, beginning Monday, June 18th, on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher Radio, Google Play, and at http://www.thefakist.com. The podcast will feature The Fakist’s own Paul Dafoe, along with the best news team in the business, breaking fake news from the worlds of politics, sports, entertainment, and Neptune.

The first episode reveals the inspiration for Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series, interviews a priest rejected by his congregation due to a “Walking Dead Whoopsie,” and explores how Stephen King’s It has changed things for local clowns. Future episodes will provide satirical coverage of topics like the service industry, healthcare, multi-level marketing, and helicopter crashes.

Podcast host Paul Dafoe says , “Fake news’ greatest asset is its adaptability, its longevity, its place as the first thing we turn to when we need to justify our opinions. As somebody very intelligent (probably me) once said, having the guts to be honest about not telling the truth is as real as it gets. That’s what we’re doing on The Fakist. And we’re looking to get you hooked. We don’t care that you’re a junkie. We just want you to be hooked on our stuff.”

To listen to the podcast, visit http://www.thefakist.com or search for it on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Play, or where ever you find your podcasts.

About The Fakist

Covering the fake news… For Real. Paul DaFoe, along with the best news team in the business, breaks fake news from the worlds of politics, sports, entertainment, and Neptune. If the news is #BREAKING, it\’s probably The Fakist who\’s breaking it.

Posted on

Good News: Fake News Is Here To Stay

“Good night, and good news.”

For nearly a decade, whenever Ted Baxter barked his famous catch phrase to end his nightly newscast, the viewers smiled. To hear him tell it, Baxter was the most beloved newscaster in Minnesota, the icon we depended on to sing the good news with a golden voice.

Of course, none of that actually happened. Ted Baxter was a character on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. As far as we know, he never actually existed. But we believed in him. We knew that his Minneapolis was getting the straight dope… The real fake news. When pundits, spin, and optics are the order of the day, we need a parental voice telling us what isn’t happening in a way that makes us feel informed, inspired, and maybe a little wistful. But where is that voice? Where is the CBS sitcom with a fake anchorman that will give us some good news?

For now, we’re shit out of luck. NBC cancelled a show literally called Good News this year. ABC won’t create a news-based sitcom unless Shonda Rhimes gets inspired, and she’s too busy pitching shows to watch the news. CBS? Who knows what the hell is going on over there anymore? Even the self-serious award-winning The Newsroom is only producing new shorts for HBO’s hit new puppet show Sesame Street. The genre seems doomed to die.

Not if I can fucking help it.

Five years ago, I left my job as a humble stockbroker to partner with KCOM Studios on a bold new project; The Fakist aims to bring authenticity back to the fake news. With my booming voice, restrained by dark liquor, I cover the fake news for real from our headquarters in Somewhere West of New York City, America.

It’s a pretty sweet gig.

I know. I know. Fake news is everywhere, but because it’s everywhere, it’s hard to get the good stuff. The uncut fake news shot straight into your eardrum with an adrenaline chaser. And what’s the alternative? Go outside and see what’s really going on? Doesn’t that sound hard? And boring. I mean, a lot of it just leaves blowing around and stuff. Who has the time? You want the methadone of fake news: Sure, it’s addictive, but it’s not that harmful.

But what are those 236 words?

We know you’re a “news junkie,” scrolling through your Facebook feed to find the one video that will help you win that argument with Barb from spin class. Don’t worry. Down at spin class we all know that you’re right and kinda hate Barb anyway, and at The Fakist, we know just the story that will help you shut her down. It’s in our first podcast, available June 18 on iTunes. Seriously. Show Barb what’s up.

As somebody very intelligent (probably me) once said, having the guts to be honest about not telling the truth is as real as it gets. That’s what we’re doing on The Fakist. And we’re looking to get you hooked. We don’t care that you’re a junkie. We just want you to be hooked on our stuff. Unlike literally every media outlet in the world since 1947’s historic Spring Fling, we aim to take a clear position on our fake stories and maintain an aire — air? — heir? — maintain an illusion of objectivity. We’re the liars you can trust.

Fake news’ greatest asset is its adaptability, its longevity, its place as the first thing we turn to when we need to justify our opinions. But that may not be the case for Millenials, for whom the internet is simply a playground, full of Mindcrafts and dabbing and The Floss (which I can only assume is some pervy ecommerce site).

Who has the time for fake news?

Typical millennial, too distracted by the awesome wall and the molly in her system to focus on fake news.

As the information superhighway becomes a bigger and bigger pain in the ass (both to users and newbs), social networks are starting to experiment with new ways to deliver their product. On election night, Facebook offered a service where Facebook employees would call and read you your DMs, doing their best impersonation of the sender. Not to be outdone, Twitter collapsed in the corner, muttering something about wasted potential. They adapted. They’ll probably die.

Don’t change what works.

Bottom line? You want to know what fake news to believe. That kind of editorial guidance is more important than ever in 2018, when any man rich enough to steal an iPhone can build a Facebook following of a few hundred thousand people for editing Minions faces onto bags of potato chips. The internet isn’t an amplifier, it’s a filter, drowning out the important work we do on The Fakist with everything from memes to leggings to actual facts.

Wheeee!

Some days, fake news is the only good news on tap. We don’t need to know what’s happening — Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, Instagram, and our actual lives distract us from that just fine — but we desperately need to know which of the twelve bajillion fake stories we read every day will make us feel smart, and why. The fake news’s job is to ignore real stories, the non-stories and spin, and the serious stories, and make something up that really matters.

Maybe we need Ted Baxter more than ever. He’s total bullshit, so you’ll have to settle for me. Don’t worry. I’ll give you the good stuff.

My name is Paul Dafoe. This is The Fakist, and it starts now.

The Fakist

Subscribe to The Fakist on iTunes, and download the first thrilling episode June 18th!